Thursday, March 29, 2012

Marriage advice from a godmother-in-law (excerpt)

I saw this article in The Age Newspaper dated 13 March 2012, written by Jenna Price. As my blog is broadcasted to my children, my nephew and my nieces, I have decided to produce an excerpt here. Hopefully they will learn something that will be useful in their future.

These are what we need to avoid if we are to stay married happily and Gottman describes these characteristics as the ''four horsemen of the apocalypse''.

Top one: personal criticism. It begins with phrases such as ''you always'' or ''you never'' or ''why are you such and such?''.

Two: insults, mockery, name-calling. Gottman calls it contempt.

Three: defensiveness, warding off attacks, making excuses, complaining in response to an attack

Four: stonewalling - not responding to criticism, going for the silent treatment, muttering.

To be honest, I'm surprised any of us stay married or in relationships because it's almost impossible to avoid any or all of these at some time. But the point is not to make them the only way you deal with conflict. Or even the enduring way you deal with conflict.

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